Good to know. But he's a friend of mine too. You can't know how everyone who sees that is going to react. You said you wanted to keep this between you and me. I was fine with that. But you just announced to everyone what you're looking to do. I can't control if my friends or enemies see that or how they react from here on out.
I care because I realize I'm partly responsible for you being the way that you. I care because I have to live with and find some way to set things right. Because you deserve at least that. My friends and family don't deserve to get thrown into our fight. You just did exactly what you've been holding against me.
Point taken. I've been a little too open about this. But don't worry about Maul. We 'spoke' about this at length. I think the man understands revenge, and staying out of it.
But you're right. I'll try to be more circumspect. But there's a problem. And we both know it.
If I fail, so be it. But if I succeed they're going to be affected and we both know it. Varian will cry. Yang will cry. Jaune, Oscar, Penny if she can even cry. No matter how I try to do this, they're going to fucking get dragged in because we're not in a vacuum. It's not just you, not just me. They're here, and for what it's worth?
I'm sorry they're here. I wish we were here alone, because the longer I fucking take, the more friends you're going to make because just how you are.
I don't want to hurt them, just you, but I don't get to have that. This isn't pretty or clean, and I accept that. And, I'm sorry.
Red, I'm actually sorry. I've had two years to grieve, and I can't do it. I tried to move on. I could have wept, crawled in a hole and just let the grimm have me. I wanted to that night. I could have slunk into the spider's web in Mistral and stewed, gotten over it but I can't move on. I'm sorry, because you're clearly a better person than me. But all I want to hear is you scream, every night, and I don't see a way past this, because every time I see you I see red.
[Gosh. Ruby was getting real tired of all of these inferiority complexes coming to back to want to murder her.]
Maul isn't really who I'm concerned about. It's someone else who might know me and think it's a good idea to pick a fight with someone who's obviously out to hurt me.
It's hard enough to keep this under wraps with just the people who already know. I can't keep protecting them or you if this becomes open season like that.
I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that you feel the way you do. I'm sorry I couldn't stop what we went through. But I can't just lay down and die because you might feel better about it. Because there's a chance that this wont fix anything. And I'd rather try and find another way before either of us have to find out.
So don't. I'll lie to their face and say I gave up. Too much interference with the cats. It's believable, right? That'll at least keep everyone but Varian from involving himself. That boy's smart enough to know better. Get the feeling he did this once, and it went as well as I expect it to go.
Red. The only fix would have been to kill me that night too. Why the fuck did you let me live that night? One shot to Hush. That's all it would have taken as I sailed away. You could have made the shot, I would have fallen, and we wouldn't be here.
This isn't going to fix anything. All I get by killing you is hollow revenge, toothless delayed justice in my black heart. And the next day, Roman is still dead, and I'm still dead inside.
And. You. Can't. Ever. Give. Him. Back. to. Me.
I just want my Roman. I wan't him back, or I want to join him. But I can't do that willingly as long as the two of you are still alive.
If everyone will believe that, sure. I'm just not so sure everyone or anyone will buy that. But we're just dealing with unknowns in general now. So I don't really know what to say.
I wasn't out to kill either of you. I was just trying to survive myself. I didn't try to kill Roman either. But I can't control the Grimm either.
I know I can't give him back. I've lost the people I care about too. I'd give anything to see them again.
[She almost snapped about Pyrrha again, but thought better of it. Pyrrha was gone, after all, so that was almost crueller in a way.]
Would you rather I try and convince them if they approach me, or post to the network? I'm willing to let you set the terms here. You know your friends better than I do, and which they might believe.
You really want to try and save me, though? Just because you were the one who survived that night, not us?
If Roman came, if he came here. I'd probably beg him to leave you alone. Just to have him with me. But only this Sodder can do that for me, Red. And she's not that kind.
I don't know. I don't think there's a catchall fix for what you did here.
I do, but not only because of that. You both were being used by someone who didn't care whether you lived or died. I think Roman knew how far in over his head he was. I'm sure it's not the only reason he was working with them but I do think he was afraid. I don't think that changes who either of you were, but it's something to keep in mind.
I wish you could have that too. I'm sorry I can't do anything to change it.
I'm not on Salem's "side," Red. I just want you dead.
I'm going to try the network. We'll see if some of them buy it. No offense. Jaune's dumb enough he might. Sweet kid, just not the brightest bulb in the pack.
You aren't now. But you were working with her during the fall of Beacon. Or at least one of her subordinates. I know the difference between then and now.
This is semantics, but... I was only ever working for him. If it helped her cause it was because he chose to in his fear. I have only ever had one true loyalty.
Please don't wish me good luck when I'm trying to end your life. It sounds as weird as me wishing you luck in trying to give me closure that doesn't exist. I wish I could understand why you even care.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
But he's a friend of mine too.
You can't know how everyone who sees that is going to react.
You said you wanted to keep this between you and me. I was fine with that.
But you just announced to everyone what you're looking to do.
I can't control if my friends or enemies see that or how they react from here on out.
I care because I realize I'm partly responsible for you being the way that you.
I care because I have to live with and find some way to set things right.
Because you deserve at least that.
My friends and family don't deserve to get thrown into our fight.
You just did exactly what you've been holding against me.
no subject
Point taken.
I've been a little too open about this.
But don't worry about Maul. We 'spoke' about this at length.
I think the man understands revenge, and staying out of it.
But you're right. I'll try to be more circumspect.
But there's a problem. And we both know it.
If I fail, so be it.
But if I succeed they're going to be affected and we both know it.
Varian will cry. Yang will cry. Jaune, Oscar, Penny if she can even cry.
No matter how I try to do this, they're going to fucking get dragged in because we're not in a vacuum. It's not just you, not just me. They're here, and for what it's worth?
I'm sorry they're here. I wish we were here alone, because the longer I fucking take, the more friends you're going to make because just how you are.
I don't want to hurt them, just you, but I don't get to have that.
This isn't pretty or clean, and I accept that. And, I'm sorry.
Red, I'm actually sorry.
I've had two years to grieve, and I can't do it. I tried to move on.
I could have wept, crawled in a hole and just let the grimm have me. I wanted to that night.
I could have slunk into the spider's web in Mistral and stewed, gotten over it but I can't move on.
I'm sorry, because you're clearly a better person than me.
But all I want to hear is you scream, every night, and I don't see a way past this, because every time I see you I see red.
no subject
Maul isn't really who I'm concerned about.
It's someone else who might know me and think it's a good idea to pick a fight with someone who's obviously out to hurt me.
It's hard enough to keep this under wraps with just the people who already know.
I can't keep protecting them or you if this becomes open season like that.
I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that you feel the way you do.
I'm sorry I couldn't stop what we went through.
But I can't just lay down and die because you might feel better about it.
Because there's a chance that this wont fix anything.
And I'd rather try and find another way before either of us have to find out.
no subject
So don't.
I'll lie to their face and say I gave up.
Too much interference with the cats. It's believable, right?
That'll at least keep everyone but Varian from involving himself.
That boy's smart enough to know better.
Get the feeling he did this once, and it went as well as I expect it to go.
Red.
The only fix would have been to kill me that night too.
Why the fuck did you let me live that night?
One shot to Hush. That's all it would have taken as I sailed away.
You could have made the shot, I would have fallen, and we wouldn't be here.
This isn't going to fix anything.
All I get by killing you is hollow revenge, toothless delayed justice in my black heart.
And the next day, Roman is still dead, and I'm still dead inside.
And. You. Can't. Ever. Give. Him. Back. to. Me.
I just want my Roman. I wan't him back, or I want to join him.
But I can't do that willingly as long as the two of you are still alive.
no subject
I'm just not so sure everyone or anyone will buy that.
But we're just dealing with unknowns in general now.
So I don't really know what to say.
I wasn't out to kill either of you.
I was just trying to survive myself.
I didn't try to kill Roman either.
But I can't control the Grimm either.
I know I can't give him back.
I've lost the people I care about too.
I'd give anything to see them again.
no subject
Would you rather I try and convince them if they approach me, or post to the network?
I'm willing to let you set the terms here.
You know your friends better than I do, and which they might believe.
You really want to try and save me, though?
Just because you were the one who survived that night, not us?
If Roman came, if he came here.
I'd probably beg him to leave you alone.
Just to have him with me.
But only this Sodder can do that for me, Red.
And she's not that kind.
no subject
I don't think there's a catchall fix for what you did here.
I do, but not only because of that.
You both were being used by someone who didn't care whether you lived or died.
I think Roman knew how far in over his head he was.
I'm sure it's not the only reason he was working with them but I do think he was afraid.
I don't think that changes who either of you were, but it's something to keep in mind.
I wish you could have that too.
I'm sorry I can't do anything to change it.
no subject
I'm not on Salem's "side," Red.
I just want you dead.
I'm going to try the network. We'll see if some of them buy it.
No offense. Jaune's dumb enough he might.
Sweet kid, just not the brightest bulb in the pack.
no subject
But you were working with her during the fall of Beacon.
Or at least one of her subordinates.
I know the difference between then and now.
Good luck with whatever you're trying.
no subject
I was only ever working for him.
If it helped her cause it was because he chose to in his fear.
I have only ever had one true loyalty.
Please don't wish me good luck when I'm trying to end your life.
It sounds as weird as me wishing you luck in trying to give me closure that doesn't exist.
I wish I could understand why you even care.
no subject
It's just how things worked out in the end.
Maybe one day you will.
no subject
no subject
no subject
I think I hate that most of all.
You probably legitimately thought you could save us.
If, when this is all done, you survive me.
Cinder can't be saved.
Kill her.
Stop Salem.
I only ever cared about him, and he's gone now. So if you win, you might as well save your world.
no subject
The goal was never to kill.
I'll stop them.
I promise.
Our world. It's your home too.
Even if you don't feel like it is anymore.
no subject
We'll see if what I do helps at all.
Good night, Ruby.
Sleep well.
I'll most likely kill you in the morning.
no subject
Just wanted to let you know I lived.
Those marbles in the street almost got me.
Better luck next time!
no subject
Just for that. I'm sending you that message every night for the next three months.